09.28.07
Wonderings of a terrible mother…
I worry about my fluctuations concerning pregnancy. Nate (who did go putt-putting again this morning, and won a tape), the expert, thanks to his book The Expectant Father, assures me that I am bonding with the baby. I wonder how he can purport to be understanding this facet of pregnancy while he admits to complete confusion over my mind-numbing need for Jo-jo’s?
I wonder how can I be bonding with someone that hasn’t really made its presence known yet, while resembling something out of area 51? No offense, but infants at 11 weeks aren’t quite the cuddly buggers they are at 4o weeks.
Nevertheless, I must admit that I do go around with this surreal awareness that there is something alive inside of me that is distinctly NOT me. Hearing the heartbeat of this entity over three weeks ago first helped me to realize that I wasn’t just fat and sick. I didn’t cry or anything, but I thought about it.
We continue to pray for the growth and safety of this new little Finklet inside of me. I continue to pray that hormones won’t ultimately control me!
09.27.07
Of Houses, Hawaii, and Holes in One…
You would think that with the bottom dropping on the real estate market, a young couple with no money, who make their living working on houses that sell for around $500,000 would be able to find some sort of decent abode. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday to find a house for sale for $129K. I then realized that it was because the house was on leased Reservation land. Not quite the sort of investment we are ready for.
Yesterday afternoon my husband came home, enthused about an open house one of their associates was having. He spoke of how we could enter to win a trip to Hawaii by making a hole in one on a putt putt course they had brought in for the occasion. Though I thought his zany plan ludicrous, his energy pulled me out of bed this morning at 6:30 to go down there and have a try before work.
Despite my decaf Hazelnut latte, and several practice rounds, my attempts at both the daily prize hole and the Hawaii hole came painfully close to nothing. The Baby and I enjoyed a bear claw as a consolation prize.
Nate, bolstered by his failure yesterday, managed to tap into his Arnold Palmer roots and successfully navigate past plants and a banana to the hole to get us entered. The glee on his face reminded me of a child getting his first bicycle. Nathan’s excitement waned a bit when he realized we were only entered into a drawing. He had thought if he made it, we would be hosting our own episode of Hawaii Five-O.
We are now debating whether to try again tomorrow to increase our odds. I find my happiness bolstered by Nate calling home to say not to worry too much about dinner. In fact, the elation I feel at not having to make a meal rivals his at imaging our island getaway (Come to think of it, I might not be so great in Maui, I mean, I always confuse lieu and lei. At least now I know most funerals aren’t on the islands) .
09.24.07
Weekend Recapitulation
This last weekend treated me-
Visually: The splendors of Mount Saint Helen’s National Volcanic Monument.
Tastefully: The splendors of Starbucks’ tea and coffee.
Socially: The splendors of 19 of our friends from Bible Study.
We embarked on some Adventures:
Hiking: I hiked 2.5 miles toward (and back from) Spirit Lake.
Spelunking: Ape Cave is fantastic!
Driving Home: Five Hot Air Balloons ( I still imagine having tea in one with a friend, high above the clouds)
The Big Shock:
Watching my husband get pooped on by some migratory Canada Goose (it only takes one, after all). Grocery store parking lots are not as safe as they seem.
Tea and the Samuels
As I read through 2nd Samuel this morning, particularly chapters 19-22, I feel sorry for many of the bit players and want to know more about them. What about those ten concubines who David shuts up to live like widows until their death? David is the one who left them at home to be violated by his son.
Matthew Henry seems to think that they perhaps deserved it. I try to give this perspective deep thought, as it is espoused by one I generally respect. John Gill respectfully parrots Henry while Kiel and Delitzsch sympathetically point out that David takes care of the women.
Well, if this living widowhood is judgement justly deserved, I can only hope that their reaction was the one of Eli that has been haunting me for the last week.
I have no judgment being executed upon me. Yet I do not go around with the contentment that Eli verbalizes. Eli had just been informed by Samuel of the veracity concerning the Lord’s impending judgment on his house. His reaction? “It is the Lord. Let him do what seems good to Him” (1st Samuel 3:18)
May the Lord give me what K & D refer to as “his devotion to the Lord!”
09.22.07
He looks on the earth and it trembles;
He Touches the mountains and they smoke.
Yesterday I saw the words of Psalm 104.
We are visiting Mount Saint Helens, an overnight trip that I was originally reluctant about.
As we drove toward Johnston’s Ridge, I noticed that the mountain had a faint plume of gas coming off the dome in the crater, resembling the steam on my morning tea. At this point, the sheer size and power of this small display of my Lord’s handiwork began to impress itself upon me.
By the time we hiked a little over two miles towards Spirit Lake the plume had increased in size as the mountain continues to grow and heave with gasses. I continued to be amazed at this unique display of my Creator.
Who laid the foundations of the earth, That it should not be moved for ever.
Thou coveredst it with the deep as with a vesture; The waters stood above the mountains.
At thy rebuke they fled; At the voice of thy thunder they hasted away
(The mountains rose, the valleys sank down) Unto the place which thou hadst founded for them.
Thou hast set a bound that they may not pass over; That they turn not again to cover the earth.
He sendeth forth springs into the valleys; They run among the mountains;Psalm 104:5-10 ASV
For some unknown reason, I woke up this morning singing this verse of Isaac Watts’ hymn to myself,
I sing the mighty power of God,
That made the mountains rise;
That spread the flowing seas abroad,
And built the lofty skies,
That spread the flowing seas abroad,
And built the lofty skies.
09.20.07
Tales from the Twelfth Hour…
As I enter my second trimester, I notice a growing lack of focus, an increasing amount of headaches, and an insatiable appetite for Jack in the Box tacos (9 last week, and 10 this week).
The concept of emergency shopping becomes clear for me. I scorn my earlier whines concerning not knowing what to wear. Now, I ACTUALLY don’t know what to wear. I can tell my husband with honesty that I have nothing to wear. While most women dream of being able to say this with accuracy, the downside can be found in the workout drawer, where the sweats reside.
I used to shop for clothes as motivation to lose weight. I would buy something that was mostly modest, and wouldn’t allow myself to wear it until I had lost enough weight to make it loose and appropriate. Now I try on clothes and think, “will this look good in ten pounds?” as I push my stomach out until it hurts.
I hope to be able to better manage my piano students, but wonder how this can be achieved when I cannot even manage the locks that were supposed to be vividly resplendent and glowing by now.
Discouraged, I turn to Target and spend too much on products that promise vibrancy. If I don’t possess it, I comfort myself that I can fake it.
Oops, I have to go run errands….and get tacos.
09.17.07
The Sabbatical Ends
I celebrate my successful return to the Internet on a regular basis (with both great research by me and great expense to my handsome husband who primarily uses the Internet to look up hikes) by relaxing at a coffee shop, sipping a remarkably scrumptious cup of Leaves of Provence. I surmise this tea to be a blended black tea, but love the taste too much to really care.
I anticipated my re-immersion in things technological to be fraught with brilliance. This illuminating wit would indubitably begin with my first blog. Regrettably, I sit hear with all the cognition of congress interviewing the General.
Twelve weeks of pregnancy have brought the panic stricken necessity of purchasing new clothes. My normal clothes begin to stretch the bonds of modesty. Besides, I can’t even fit into some of them.
I comfort myself that soon the tiredness will abate, and perhaps I can once again dream of possessing a logical thought process.
