I don’t know if we have H1N1, but I am definitely behaving like a pig.

In general, I have always looked upon health afflictions as a distilling factor to Spirituality.  David says that once he was afflicted he sought the Lord. I find, disturbingly, the opposite to be true. My lack of energy does not drive me to Christ, but to bed. Rather than growing in sweetness, I startle my child with the tone of voice I  address him with. Poor little guy. I have higher expectations of my husband (who, incidentally is also sick, but not pregnant in his third trimester, a fact which unfortunately negates any sympathy from me), and become increasing selfish – I complain to him, and my thoughts center around having a maid.

Of course, if I had a maid, I would continue my indolence by watching Sherlock Holmes. Why do something useful with all the time I would be given? Anyway, all this leads me to continue to worry about my own Holiness.

Thankfully, I know where the answers to my concerns can be found…so the question now is: Will I discipline myself to engage in some serious prayer time?

I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

Psalm 34:1,4,5

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ… - Philippians 1:27

Somehow, amidst the chaotic bliss of wifedom, motherhood, pregnancy, and dishes, I got waylaid. I began thinking of personal holiness only in terms of what I listened to, watched, and read.

My sins of laziness, cheerlessness, and selfishness didn’t seem to interfere with my care in these other areas, and I thought I was doing, well, okay. Then, the Lord graciously intervened in a few forms.

It is shocking to me how I cannot see sin where it is plainly to be seen.  Anything can be justified under the auspice of logic. Instead of reasoning from scripture and the cross, I was reasoning from my own limited, emotional, hormonal (did I mention pregnancy???) mind. How terrible a pattern this has become! J.C. Ryle aptly remarked,

…men try to cheat themselves into the belief that sin is not quite so sinful as God says it is, and that they are not so bad as they really are.

I have been reminded that I can honor the Lord first in my thoughts, words and actions. These areas are woefully untended in my own life. Thankfully, there is an antidote! Once again, Bishop Ryle in his work Holiness encourages me,

We must sit down humbly in the presence of God, look the whole subject in the face, examine clearly what the Lord Jesus calls sin, and what the Lord Jesus calls “doing His will.”…Once let us see that sin is far viler, and far nearer to us, and sticks more closely to us than we supposed, and we shall be led, I trust and believe, to get nearer to Christ. Once drawn nearer to Christ, we shall drink more deeply out of his fulness, and learn more thoroughly to “live the life of faith” in Him…

I trust that the Lord, through his Holy Spirit will continue to show me my own sin in my daily actions and attitudes.